Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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