allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
