Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
