Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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