Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
