just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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