Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
