Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
