he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Blood and glitter go together right?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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