I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
