Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
