My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
