if i can run in heels then i can drive
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
