Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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