I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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