He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
