i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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