I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
