Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
