im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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