i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
