I wish I could teleport
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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