Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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