I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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