I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize