my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
