you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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