Someone shit on the floor
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
