This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
