Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize