Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
