You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
