i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
