My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
