i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
