if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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