I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
