I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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