I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
