At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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