did you get engaged???
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
