They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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