Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
