my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
