Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
