this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
