lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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