Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
