They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
