I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
