She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I intend to get homeless drunk
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
