She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
