Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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