whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
