turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
