Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
