those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
