they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
