Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The beer is more important than you right now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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