either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
