I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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