Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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