and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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