Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
