New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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