I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
