Me too!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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